What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 03:00
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I waited trembling.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
What are some funny stories of people calling 911 for non-emergencies?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Why do I smell bad even though I have good hygiene?
This is soul school!.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
If there is an abandoned house with no owner, can I live in it?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Would this be the day?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Which is the correct Tamil New Year, Thai-1 or Chithirai-1?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Is a man over 50 not married no kids a red flag?
Comes on , in middle age.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Do straight guys like to see cocks?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I write beautiful poetry .
I was seconnd youngest,
Why does Africa have all mineral resources but she is suffering economically?
It was going to be , some day.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Have you ever had sex with your mother-in-law? If so, how was it and did your wife ever find out?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She loved him until the end.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
What is the meaning of xx in texting?
She married twice! .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Have you ever seen a woman having sex with a dog?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Why can't they repair the damage caused by Elon Musk renaming Twitter to X?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was 9 years of age.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
What should a young woman do to control sagging breasts?
When she asked me how she looked .
I have no regrets .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But, we were locked up after school.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Was to survive, this bastard.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I never cut or harmed myself..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
This is how, and why children get BPD.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But it wasn’t much.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
All the time i was locked up.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I don,t even have a pension.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He resisted the act ,that day.
What did i know ?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was very sick at this time too.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I think the readers, may guess!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Ive learnt so much.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And i lived it daily.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She found it foreign!.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I will be 64.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We all went to grammer schools
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My life is so biszare .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We were not on the streets..
I said to her
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Put me off passion for life!!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Who then, do I blame.?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But ive been too sick for many years..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
One cannot live in the past .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My family never makes their pension either.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She was in good health!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
(And it was in our own minds.)
Why did i forgive my father ?
He knew the spot.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Im still living with it.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I couldn’t, believe it.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
So, i spoilt her more .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was scared of men, in general
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
So whats the point in blame.
She wouldn,t have been !
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t